This is a very depressing day for me. I just feel so unproductive. I should have prepared myself that this day will come… this day will come to my life as a big painful slap on my face.
I am tired of being so hopeful. I am tired of being an optimistic person. I am tired of fooling myself… thinking that tommorow is going to be a great big day. I am tired of being… tired.
I am a planner… a failed one. It is so disgusting how life is so unpredictable. No matter how good you are at planning things, problem always sees the gray spots in your plan. It strikes when you least expect it. But usually, it happens when you are so positive and about to achieve something. It happens before the climax. It kills the climax.
I want to do a lot of things after college. But it is frightening to see your dreams fading away. I want to do this… I want to do that… but those things seem imposible to happen–now that plan for the foundation of those dreams is failing again. I am tired of thinking of remedies to save my dreams. The sea of problems seems infinite.
Why am I like this? Why am I experiencing these things? WHY I DID NOT QUALIFY IN THAT “WISH-GRANTING FACTORY?” It is my only ace to save the game… the only ticket to achieve my dreams. But I failed.