A Time to Look Back


What a great day to start the year 2016!

I chose to stay at home, but a lot of things happened today. I did not even bother to wait for 12 midnight for I was not having a good day that time. I should have been excited and thrilled for I really wanted to end the year 2015.

2015 was a not-so-good year for me. A lot of challenges happened, especially the last few months of this year. I got hospitalized because of Dengue Fever. I was like in the hospital for about a week. When I was still in the hospital, my youngest brother, Justin, got sick. He had a fever and later found out that he was also having Dengue Fever. I already knew that something was happening that time. I even asked my ex-girlfriend to tell what’s happening, but her lips were tightly sealed. She was asked not to say a word about what’s happening. I later found out that one morning, Justin vomited blood. And it was not like a vomit with blood. He literally puked blood, as in blood like you see in a Hollywood movie. For those of you who’s not aware of Dengue, It is a disease caused by mosquitoes carrying the Dengue virus. And bleeding in Dengue equivalents to “critical stage.” Fortunately, Justin survived. He actually recovered faster than me.

A few days later, Daniel (my brother whose slightly older than Justin), got sick. And yes, it was also because of Dengue Fever. He did not experience any kind of bleeding, but his platelets were too low. We were informed by the doctors that it was not good. They were actually planning to perform blood transfusions if his blood test results did not get any better. He stayed in the hospital for more than a week.

November came and my aunt got hospitalized. I hope it was because of Dengue Fever because it is not that life-threatening if detected in an early stage but it’s not. She was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. She’s been hospitalized four times from November to December. She had her operation before Christmas. It was a tense day, but we (I rather) considered it as a good day because the doctor said that based on tumor that was taken out, it looks like it was not cancerous. We are still waiting for the results of the biopsy though.

Towards the end of the year, the 29th of December, 2015 to be exact. My ex-girlfriend and I had a fight because of the unresolved problems we had in the past. We unofficially broke up that day. Unofficial because we (or perhaps it’s just me) already knew that we came to a point that things got complicated between us… too complicated to find a remedy to save our relationship. We did not have any communication until today. She texted me and we greeted each other a happy new year. The issue was opened up again so it resulted a little argument through SMS. She said a lot of bad things about me. It was just fine for me for I did not take it seriously. I knew that she’s just angry, that’s why she said those things. I also knew that she did not mean it. Also, who am I to get mad if I myself have said a lot of bad things to her in the past?

I consider myself as a kinda-honest person. I’m too honest that she begun hating it. I never filter my words, I say what I what I need to say. I say even the things she doesn’t want to hear. I say everything she needs to know… whether she likes to hear it or not. And I want people to do the same to me. If I need to know something, then you have to tell it to me whether it’s a good news or not. She was my opposite. She tends to keep things on her own up until the problem is too big for her to handle. I hated it… I actually still hate it.

She lied to me. It was a small problem, but that lie was covered with lies… lies that were covered by another set of lies. I came to a point that I did not trust her anymore. I knew that our relationship won’t work anymore. Loving her was not enough to keep our relationship, but I gave us a chance. I tried to fix our problem. I tried to trust her again but things were not just working anymore.

After a few hours of ceased-fire in our respective inboxes, she has begun to accept things (based on how I interpreted her message). She also said that she’s going to miss me. After that, she said her last “I love you” and said goodbye. I apologized once again for all the bad things I’ve said to her and for all the flaws I had in our relationship.

I indirectly offered friendship, but I have not received any replies from her yet. Perhaps she’s still not ready for that. And I respect that.

To the girl I loved, Thank you for being part of my 2015! Thank you for those crazy, ups and downs, and bumpy 5 months (almost 6 months) of roller coaster ride we had. I’ll surely treasure it. Once again, sorry for all the bad things I’ve done. I hope that we’re going to be good friends soon.

It was indeed a tough year for me. Despite of all those challenges my family faced, we still managed to survive 2015.

To my mom, this blog post is for you. We survived 2015 because of all the efforts you’ve done. Also, thank you for asking me to resurrect my blog. I needed that. Happy 2016! 🙂